Monday, January 30, 2012

Why so slow?

I was thinking about this on my drive back from Warkworth to Taupo today. I used to own a 650cc Suzuki v-twin motorcycle which I did all of my traveling on, and I now own a car. Needless to say, my little Corolla is a lot less grunty than my bike was and my journeys these days are substantially slower than what they used to be when I owned the bike.

There's something about going fast - which I did a lot of on the bike - especially on the racetrack. Going well over 200kmph at some points (about 125mph to my American friends who view this blog). It's an incredible adrenaline rush, and highly dangerous to say the least. One thing I realized about it though - is that going fast is an escape.

The worst job I ever worked at was at a shop that sold cellphones back in 2009. They'd just launched a new network (which was rubbish at the time) and many people were not happy. We got endless complaints in the shop and because of where I was mentally at the time (which was not a good place) I struggled deeply in this environment and found myself literally desperate to leave towards the end of my time there.

Throughout this time period I did more motorcycle riding than I just about ever have and did some incredibly dangerous things on the bike at times. I realize now that I was using the speed of the bike as an escape from what I was feeling. It didn't offer any real solution but it did help me take my mind off what I was going through at the time. Nothing really got resolved from my high-speed escapades but seeing as it made me feel better I sought to do it more and more.

My walk with God - especially over the last 6 months when I've been off work - has been incredibly slow - almost unbearably so at times. I have found this deeply frustrating over the years as I've wanted to just go charging out into my future and grab hold of what's waiting for me out there. But, God has had other ideas.

I've needed to go through this slow process so that I'm not racing ahead and using the speed of a fast paced life to block out things that I have needed to face and work through. I realize now that if I'd just raced ahead and grabbed what was waiting for me I wouldn't be able to be fully blessed by it because the issues that hadn't been faced would cloud the blessing and ultimately make me end up hating something that was supposed to be a huge blessing for me.

Building a strong foundation to contain blessings on so that they won't collapse under the storms of life is a slow process and one that cannot be rushed or overlooked. God knew this and that's why I've had to learn to embrace a slower pace of life - especially over the last 6 months. I've really hated it at times and occasionally I've seen things I hoped would be a blessing - but my heart protested and told me that I wasn't ready and that if I was to take this blessing now it'd have a bitter ending.

So if you find yourself in a slow place and you want to speed through it - there's a good chance you're wanting to use the speed to escape what God wants to do in your life. Embrace the slowness while it's around and once you are fully ready for faster paced things, you'll be able to appreciate them that much more.


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