Breaking camp & walking forwards

Life is a journey. Things are constantly changing, moving forwards. In the exact same way, our walk with God is also a journey. Sometimes you can stay parked in one place for a season, but it's just a matter of time until change rears its head again and you have to move on. As I always say - "Everything changes, and as soon as you get used to the change, everything changes again."

Over the last few years I have come to realize that when seasons change in life, the people that surround you can also change. I believe that God brings people into each person's life for a reason and often, just for a season. This isn't something you hear taught that often in churches. But it's true. I used to want to be everybody's best friend, to constantly be in touch with everyone I'd ever met throughout the course of my life, to remain connected with people and keep them close to me at all times. The concept of letting people go and moving forwards without someone in my life was completely foreign to me. However, my three and a half years in Taupo really changed all that.

When I went through burnout and began the slow rebuilding process of my life from the ground up, I was forced to come to a very harsh realization. I had been parked at a campsite in my life for far too long. I thought I was walking forwards. In reality, I really wasn't. I was parked at the campsite of wanting to be best friends with everybody and to never cross anybody, to blame myself for being upset when somebody did something wrong and to constantly embrace the almost hippie concept of "peace out, man!" at all times. Of course, everybody liked me. Mainly because I fit into their pockets and didn't bother them. But the reality was that I was stagnating in my life and that I was slowly imploding as a result of all of this. It was killing me staying camped here. During the process of recovering from burnout, it was like God took me by the hand and said "you've been here long enough - it's time to move on."

I faced some very harsh and unjust situations in the final few months before I went through burnout and in a way, I was brought into those situations by the Spirit of God. But I was also brought into them by the self centered, irresponsible and immature actions of people I considered friends at the time. I recognize that burnout was a necessary event in my life. It was something that had to come to pass. But I also realize that part of my education was to learn to stand up to the people who had contributed to my downfall due to their own selfish actions and refusal to deal with their insecurities. My typical reaction beforehand would have been "peace out, man. It's my fault, somehow. They didn't know what they were doing, it's my job to learn from this and keep the peace." However, God used these experiences to begin to teach me how to be a man. He told me very clearly what I had to do. "Get over yourself" he said. This is where the journey of moving on from this soul crippling campsite finally began.

As time went on and I became stronger, God made it clear to me that some of the people who had contributed to this horrible phase in my life needed to be let go of before I could go any further. So not only did I lose several friendships but God also lead me to tell someone the full extent of what their selfishness had contributed to in my life and that it was a final warning for this person - that if they didn't change their ways, they were in trouble. I most certainly lost a friendship out of this. But most importantly - I obeyed God. Shortly after speaking to this person my pastor spoke in his sermon about how God calls us to speak into people's lives and tell them things they don't want to hear at times. He said that it's common for us to be afraid of the consequences but God's word to us is simple - "get over yourself". As soon as I heard that, I knew I'd done the right thing. A lot of people have disagreed with my stance and said that what I did was wrong. I've simply told them that I was being obedient to the Spirit of God and that I answer to Him, and Him alone - no one else.

Let me make one thing clear at this point - if there is one thing in my life I absolutely refuse to apologize for and compromise on, it's taking a stand that God has called me to make. I no longer care who I offend or how they react because if I know that God has called me to do it, it's the right thing to do and that to ignore that word and do nothing is wrong. The prophet Jeremiah summed it up beautifully in this verse - But if I say, "I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. (Jeremiah 20:9). If God calls me to speak into someone's life - even if it's a clear warning about their behavior that could end a friendship - I will do it. Otherwise, His words burn within me like fire until I do so. I never used to be able to say this as I'd always doubt myself and believe I was wrong. But with the confidence I have in my ability to hear God and the confirmation of the words of my pastor I know that if I was to repent I'd be repenting for obeying the word of God - not a wise thing to do.

This whole experience has forced me to move on from that campsite. Moving on from that campsite displeased a lot of people who were used to me being passive and taking everything on board that was thrown at me. But it was part of my journey. I had to walk forwards. God loved me too much to allow me to stay there and my leaving of that campsite may have displeased a lot of people. But I've realized that this is part of life. Some people are stuck at campsites of their own and only like you as long as you stay there with them and remain stuck at the foot of the same obstacles they are stuck at. The second you say that being here is hurting you and your walk with God, and that you need to move on otherwise you're going to stagnate, they become unhappy and get angry at you for no longer being who they want you to be. Some people can give off the illusion of wanting to move forwards in their lives but when push comes to shove they make it clear that they don't want to go anywhere and don't really want to change - either because they don't know how to or because they simply like the attention they get being stuck at the foot of an obstacle and going round in circles. These are the people you need to learn to let go of - not out of hatred but out of the simple fact that if you remain closely partnered to them while they go round in circles, they drag you down with them and hold you back from being the person God has called you to be.

This isn't a judgment call. Everyone is at different phases of their journey and some people just aren't ready to move forwards yet. They can have all the potential in the world, and it's great to recognize that, but you also need to be aware that some people aren't ready to go where you're walking, and vice versa. The people who end up with you for the longest seasons and continue to be by your side throughout the years are those who love truth first and foremost - regardless of how harsh it is because they know the reality that "the truth will set you free" and that anything besides the truth will only keep you in bondage. Throughout my 11 years as a Christian I have learned to love the truth and I do my best to live by it and to walk in it the best I can. I still fail, I still get stuck at the foot of obstacles myself and I still lose my temper due to this frustration at times. But my core principle remains the same - I love truth because it's the truth that has set me free. I realize that those who will remain close with me are those who also love truth and don't flinch when truth is given to them - regardless of how unpleasant it is to hear and how much it contradicts what they want.

My point in all of this is that our desire as Christians should always be to walk forwards. Sometimes God places us in campsites we can't get out of for a reason and for a season but it's always temporary. Listening to God and obeying Him, regardless of how hard it is, is what moves us forwards and stops our spiritual lives stagnating. Those who love the truth and want to see you be the best you that you can possibly be, will acknowledge this. Sometimes those who get annoyed with your stance and want you to stay in camp with them at the foot of an obstacle are those you need to let go of, or at the very least reconsider their place in your lives.

Take care.

Latest review for No Way Out But Through

Hello friends,

I'd like to invite you to check out this awesome review for the book at the following link -

http://liftyouup.blogspot.co.nz/2013/04/book-review-no-way-out-but-trough.html

Many thanks to James for taking the time to write this review. Much appreciated.

Walking the right path

I've been thinking recently about the purposes of God in my life as a Christian. God walks with the people who have chosen to accept Him and lays out paths for them that He wishes for them to walk in their lives. So how do we know when we are on the path He wants us to walk on, or the path we've chosen for ourselves that's actually gone against what He wishes for us?

I remember one particular incident in my life when I had just finished my first year of Faith Bible College. I returned home to Wellington and without asking God what He wanted I just went for what I wanted to do, which was get a job and work to pay off the student debt I had accrued. I didn't bother to ask God what He wanted me to do. Looking back now, I know that wasn't God's will for me. I think I was meant to go back to Faith Bible College. But I didn't care. I told God if I didn't get this job, I was moving to Australia. ANd I meant it. When I was first offered the job it just seemed to me as if God was saying "fine - have it your way". But I didn't care. I had a job. I got what I wanted.

Things started off ok. But as time wore on frustrations began to creep in and I began to lose any sense of peace I ever had about this job. I became more and more distressed and unhappy. I thought if I just continued to hang in there and persevere things would improve. They didn't. Despite all outward appearances that things were fine, I was in complete chaos on the inside. Things only continued to get worse and finally I ended up speaking to my doctor who prescribed me antidepressants. The thing is, I had very low serotonin levels in my brain so I had been in need of antidepressants for some time. It was a blessing in the sense that this situation at work made me aware of my need for medication. But then the horrible side effects began. Sweating, shaking and the like.

I continued to persevere but I was regularly taking days off work sick due to the horrible side effects of the medication I had just begun. My body was under so much stress I was struggling to eat and often couldn't keep food down. Eventually Christmas time rolled around and I went to stay with friends on Great Barrier Island. On the way up to Auckland I had the first sign that something was seriously wrong with me. I felt this horrible wave of nausea ripping through me and it was so bad I had to ask the bus driver to pull over. I crouched on the side of the rode in Turangi, gasping for breath.

At Great Barrier things only got worse. What was supposed to be a relaxing holiday got ten times worse when one day I literally felt as if my stomach had been ripped in half. Shortly afterwards I began vomiting blood. I was rushed to the doctors who immediately called the helicopter to fly me to Auckland hospital. Turns out I had a bleeding stomach ulcer due to high stress levels. I lost a huge amount of weight (not like I have any to lose anyway) and after a few days in hospital, I returned back to Wellington. When I got back to work I was told I was not performing adequately and that regular meetings would be happening to discuss my performance. I soon realized I was more or less being asked to leave. I finally realized I couldn't keep this going and that I had to quit. So I resigned and moved back to Tauranga to do my second year at FBC like I was meant to in the first place.

What did I learn from all of this? To ask God what He wants instead of just taking what I want. Because although things can look good for a while, eventually the reality will begin to sink in that all that's really happening is that you're "pushing crap uphill" so to speak. What happens the second you stop pushing something uphill? It rolls back down on you. There's nothing else to help it continue its journey. There's no one else pushing - only you.

I also learned that acts of willful disobedience by not asking God His will and expecting Him to just fit in with what I wanted to do can only continue for a season. It got to the point where I think God just said "that's enough - you're not going any further in this." It was always going to fail at some point. A Christian who wants to follow God's will can only continue in deliberate disobedience for so long before they hit a brick wall.

Yet another thing I learned was that although I was doing wrong - good things can be taken out of these situations. It was actually a huge blessing to me to realize that I needed to start a course of medication at that point because it helped take my serotonin levels back up to normal. It also taught me that the safest place to be is in the place of God's will and if Godly people or God Himself are warning you not to do something you should really listen to them as there's quite often a good reason why.

When we walk in the path God has set for us - we're not pushing crap uphill. It can be hard at times - incredibly hard. But if God has brought us to it, then He will bring us through it. The all important factor is that because we are being obedient by listening to His voice and obeying His instructions, He is actively involved in our journey - closing doors He doesn't want us to walk through and opening doors He wants us to walk through. There's a deep sense of spiritual peace that comes from walking in the path God has for us - the peace that "surpasses all understanding". (Philippians 4:7). When we are walking in accordance with our own selfish desires and not in the will of God, we lack that peace. It simply isn't there. We can get some kind of emotional gratification from that path - such as we would out of being in a wrong relationship - but the deep down, underlying sense of spiritual peace isn't there. The lack of peace will eventually force its way to the surface and until then we aren't really living but existing, in a place of numbness because we know what we are doing is wrong, but we refuse to admit it.

Isaiah 30:21 says "When you turn either to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying 'this is the way, walk in it.'" God has promised us in His Word that He will speak to us and guide us. The question is - are we prepared to listen to Him, even if the voice is telling us what we really don't want to hear? The fact is - if we continue deliberately walking against His will, we will someday realize it and regret it.
So if you hear God's guidance behind you today, if you see Him actively closing doors in your life and warning you not to continue the way that you are going - listen to Him. You don't want to go through what I did to learn this lesson.

Take care.

Latest author interview - read it HERE!

Hello everyone,

I was interviewed by my friend and fellow writer Lucy Morgan-Jones about my new book.

Check it out at this link -

http://lucymorgan-jones.com/2013/04/17/no-way-out-but-through-an-honest-interview-with-graham-aitchison/

Hope you enjoy!

Defining good character

This is a word you see thrown around a lot in Christian circles. "Character". It's all about the "character" of God, what sort of character we should look for in a spouse, etc. But what does the term actually mean? How do you define if someone has good character or not and what kind of people are the ones who have good character?

I believe a person's character is defined by the heart attitudes and belief systems they hold onto which surpass absolutely everything else in their lives. Despite whatever spiritual and emotional issues they may be facing - their character overrides that.

People with good character are not necessarily completely emotionally healthy, fully functional people. They can still have deep emotional wounds that they haven't faced yet, perhaps because they aren't ready to face them at that time. People with good character can still be prone to explosive incidents where they make mistakes and get things terribly wrong. But their real character overrides that - because it's defined by what they do with the mistakes that they have made.

Trials and tribulations are designed to rock our human lives to the core so that we face who we are as human beings and are given an opportunity to face and change the darker parts of our lives. The deepest issues in our lives can never be exposed unless our world is shaken to the core, and that shaking process can be both violent and terrifying. Even the most spiritually and emotionally aware human being who already has a good strong knowledge of themselves and their own emotional make up can find themselves in very darkened places within their own hearts thanks to the shaking happening in their circumstances - and that's exactly how it's meant to be.

Character is defined by how we respond to this shaking and how we respond to the ugliness that's revealed within ourselves when the darkest parts of our own hearts are revealed to us. A person with good character may have found themselves overreacting thanks to a situation that they'd never faced before which brought up something within their own lives that they needed to address. They perhaps weren't able to address it right in the heat of the moment and overreacted. Which is common. However, their character is defined as to how they respond to their overreaction. Do they shirk blame and responsibility, blame others for the state of their own hearts and walk away ignoring this opportunity for personal growth due to being blinded by their own pride, or do they use it as an opportunity to better themselves by learning to look within and ask God to help identify the emotional driving forces that pushed them to this point so that they can work through them and be healed of them? When confronted with their own sin, do they own up and take responsibility (regardless of who is confronting them about their sin) or do they knowingly and willingly defend doing what they know is wrong? To respond in the first manner shows poor, undeveloped character. To respond in the second way shows good character.

The next definition of character is what happens from that point on. Do those who have done wrong learn from their mistakes, heal themselves of the pain that surfaced when their life is shaken and automatically respond better next time, or do they apologize and give the illusion of having changed yet just continue to make the same mistakes all over again and respond the exact same way when next faced with that obstacle (which they'll undoubtedly face once again if they haven't fully worked through it)? This is something that in a lot of ways can only really be observed over time. It's easy to give the appearance of having made significant change in one's life but appearances can be deceiving at times. Once push comes to shove again, you'll see what they are really made of and if they've changed at all.

Everyone is at different stages along this journey. Some are further along than others. I would like to believe that my character is defined by the continual desire to become a stronger, healthier, more well adjusted person. I've learned how to take good things out of hard times and I've certainly faced some times over the past few years that have pushed me well out of what I believed I was capable of coping with at the time and into some dark, terrifying emotional landscapes in my own heart. Sometimes I've reacted badly. Does this make me a bad person and does this cause me to have bad character? I don't believe it does. For the simple reason that despite all these experiences where I know I've made mistakes, I've learned a great deal about myself and become much stronger and healthier as a result. Those who know me well and have observed me over time have noticed a drastic change over the past few years. I could easily have decided to sit and sulk in my misery but I made the effort to improve myself, and I believe that effort is showing. I've made mistakes, and those mistakes have had consequences. But they don't change who I am as a person.

I have also had to make choices to remove people from my life for the way that the place that they are in currently in regards to their journey has affected me and in some cases, hurt me very deeply. People immediately say "you shouldn't judge". I believe you can't judge a person's heart. But you can judge their actions and when people are deliberately defending wrongdoing in their own lives which is hurting other people, I feel I am quite within my rights to make the choice to remove them. I can't judge what is happening in their hearts. That's not my place. But what I can do is say to myself that "I don't believe it's beneficial for me or this person if we remain in each other's lives. Their character has proven that they may do this to me again and they also need to face some consequences for their actions". Which I think is a fair point. God forgives us our sins. But there's still consequences for the wrong we've done and sometimes those consequences are irreversible. I know I've done some things in the past with irreversible consequences to friendships and relationships. I've learned from them and grown as a result. But the consequences remain.

I guess my point is that we need to be very careful whom we allow closely into our hearts and before we go off crying out to God for a spouse or anything like that, we need to make sure our own character is in a place of being ready for it and being able to handle it. I believe that God knows our hearts and our lives better than we do. He is capable of bringing the right people into our lives at the right time - people of character. But we must have good character ourselves first. Developing good character is a messy and painful process. It can take years before any change is seen. But it's necessary if we want to live healthy emotional lives and want to truly be able to better ourselves as people and make the world a better place.

Take care.

The driving force

No, this isn't a blog post about cars! I'm talking about our motives as people to go out and achieve things in life - some things which have simply never been done before.

I often think back to the Star Wars - Special Features DVD I have as part of my collection which details George Lucas' making of the three original Star Wars movies - in particular, the first one. To be quite honest, it appeared to be absolutely shambolic. They went way over budget, way over deadline, most of the actors thought the dialogue (and indeed the whole movie) was a bit strange and they were constantly beset with problems - especially when a sandstorm destroyed their movie set out in Tunisia. They were also inventing all kinds of new technology to get the cinematic shots they wanted. No easy task.

I began to think of just how incredibly easy it would have been for Lucas to just give up and pack the whole project in - especially seeing as at one point he was hospitalized for chest pains. The whole thing just seemed to be an absolute mess and now his health was at risk as a result. Yet he simply did not quit. He just kept on going, kept persevering despite how drained he was becoming and eventually this project began to take real shape and ended up becoming one of the most classic movies of all time which set George up to make the next two films (and the prequels many years after that - but we won't get into those right now!!)

I thought to myself - if I were in his shoes I probably would have quit about a week into production. I would have been overwhelmed by the magnitude of the task I was trying to accomplish and would have quickly decided that this was a bad idea from the get-go, and that it was best to kill it off before any further damage was done and any further time and money wasted. I find it baffling that George didn't do this himself. Perhaps he did consider giving up, but he persevered and came out the other end with something that, in many ways, changed the world and certainly changed the way we look at movies.

The reason I believe he never quit was because he had the driving force to do this. He just knew it was what he was meant to be doing and that he wanted to make this film, and that despite the problems he had the talent and the resources to make it work. He knew that eventually his dream would be realized. This is what drove him. There was no half-heartedness about him and this project in any way. He knew he was going to finish this movie and that he was going to go far and every single obstacle that stood in his way simply became a stepping stone he eventually got over on the course to reach his goal.

I used to find myself fascinated and very envious of people like this. In the face of constant turmoil and dysfunction, they still continued to keep going and keep believing in what they were doing. They were willing to put everything on the line and risk it all in favor of what they believed in. I wished I could be one of those people. I tried at different times over the years to set goals that I planned to reach with the belief that nothing would stand in my way - but they just ended up petering out into nothing. One of those goals was to become an incredible, potentially genre-defining guitarist and songwriter. Don't get me wrong, I love playing the guitar and I believe I will always love it. But despite the best of intentions that I had to achieve this goal, my heart at the end of the day, wasn't really in it. Deep down, I knew that although I probably had the ability to achieve this goal, I didn't really have the desire to put in the work required to achieve it.

I used to think I was a bit useless for this very reason and that I'd never make my mark on the world, that lots of people were far braver than I was and that I'd never amount to anything simply because I didn't believe in anything enough to see it through to completion. But then I discovered that I had a gift for writing - and that God wanted me to write a book. Immediately I threw myself into this project wholeheartedly, writing almost constantly, chopping and changing here and there, developing ideas and cutting them out if necessary, mixing paragraphs and chapters around. The whole time, I had a clear vision of what I wanted to see in this book, and I just had that fire and that drive to do it. A lot of people start writing books and never finish them. For me this simply wasn't an option. This book was going to be finished, and that was that.

As many of you know, once the book was complete it was uploaded to Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing and I made a few sales and received some very positive reviews - marking the book as a "fascinating read" and "a journey that smashes the boundaries of mental illness". Eventually, my book was picked up by a huge publishing firm in Florida, USA and has now been printed as a paperback and is scheduled for a worldwide release in the very near future. I sunk countless hours into this work and would often spend entire evenings and weekends writing, reading, re-writing and re-reading even though I was still holding down a very demanding full time job. I realized that I was doing exactly what George Lucas was doing and why he just wouldn't quit. I had the same, unstoppable driving force to achieve my goal as what he did - for him it was to make movies, for me it was to write books.

Now as the book borders on a worldwide release and I'm getting people requesting signed paperback copies already, I am about to reap the rewards of the hard work I've done. All of those long evenings sitting over a stack of paper with a red pen, cutting and pasting on the computer and constantly formulating different ideas in my head are all about to start paying off. And its all because of that driving force I had.

I realize that the driving force of just knowing you are meant to do something and that no one can tell you otherwise is what has got me this far. It's not just "hard work and determination". You have to really believe in what you are doing - it's almost like it consumes you, you can't imagine ever not doing what you're doing and it doesn't really seem like work (even though it is). I didn't know what my driving force was until I discovered it was writing. I believe there are many people who also feel a bit useless and possibly feel like failures as I have done - but in many cases I don't believe it's because they just gave up. I believe that its often simply because they don't know what it is that they really want to do with their lives because they don't yet know what they are created to do. Once they find that - then it's all on.

So if you are out there and you are feeling as though you are a bit of a failure because you haven't found that all consuming drive to do something in your own life yet - don't panic. Each person is on their own personal journey. It could be that you have a little more growing to do as a person before your true heart's desire that no one can quench will be revealed to you. But I believe your all consuming desire is in you - you just have to find it. Once it's revealed to you - you'll know without a shadow of a doubt. There won't be any uncertainty, confusion or disillusionment - you'll know where you "fit" and no one will be able to tell you otherwise.

Take care.

The story of the bird

I just heard this story for the first time a few weeks ago, and I think it's not only worth sharing, but it's worth expanding on a bit as there's some really awesome truth in here.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze up and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are:

Not everyone who drops crap on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
And when you're in crap over your head, keep your mouth shut!

I certainly know how it feels to be in the situation of every animal described in this story. I've very often been the bird itself, a sufferer of incredibly unfortunate and seemingly unforgiving events. I've also been the cow and dropped people in crap big time. There are also unfortunate times when I've been the cat.

The first point - not everyone who drops crap on you is your enemy - is very, very true although it's not always easy to see it that way. I see this statement in regards to how the military is run, and I'm sure the friends I have who have served in the Armed Forces will agree with me. Your sergeant drops you in crap - big time. He is hard on you and it's all for the purpose of completely breaking you down. Which hurts like crazy. But he's not your enemy. He's doing this because once you've been completely broken down and destroyed, they want to build you up into the man that they want you to be. God often treats people the same way. I've been lead into some absolutely rotten circumstances over the past few years and the only reason I can say that I've been there, is because God has lead me there. But He's not my enemy even though sometimes it really does feel like it. Sometimes dropping someone in the crap can be the best thing that you can ever possibly do for them.

The second point, is also true. There are people out there who will never tell you that you're wrong (even when you quite obviously are), will always rescue you even when you need to face the consequences of your own actions and will agree with every single thing that you say. These people are often referred to as "yes" men. Though they can seem to be comforting at times, in reality they are the strongest antithesis to spiritual and emotional growth. If someone has severe issues in their heart and is refusing to face them, mollycoddling them and telling them that "everything is ok, it's all everyone else's fault" or some rubbish like that isn't going to help them. It's just going to keep them holding onto their issues at all costs because they don't have to face them knowing that they've got someone around them who will always help them escape from their issues.

I fully agree with the statement "nice guys finish last". Sorry to all of you Sensitive New Age Guy types out there, but it's true. God is loving - but He's by no means "nice". A friend told me that in 2006 and I've never forgotten it, as it just continually reveals itself to be true. Some of the best people I know in my life - the people I feel safest around and would trust with my life - are far from being "nice" people. They are strong, honest, grumpy, whatever you want to call it - but they call a spade a spade. I know that if they drop me in crap, it's because they give a crap about me in the first place. I also know that if they refuse to rescue me from my crap - it's for the same reason. They know I'll learn more if I fight through it myself. God is not "nice" by any means. If He was "nice" He wouldn't have allowed Jesus to die a brutal death on a cross so that others could live.

The last point is the one I will quite openly admit that I struggle with the most - keeping your mouth shut while in deep crap. However, there is an interesting side to this issue. There are times in deep crap when you really do need to talk, as people can have very valuable advice and insight which can really help you either get out from what you're facing (if you're meant to of course) or show you how to get through it by changing your heart and belief systems while in the crap. But it's also very easy to speak  to the wrong people and tell them too much, thus opening yourself up to the wrong advice which does nothing in the end but frustrate you and them. Not to say that the so-called "wrong" people mean you any harm - they always want to help. But when in deep pain you need to learn who you can really trust to listen to the Holy Spirit to give you the advice that you need.

It's hard being in this situation, not to mention isolating. When you are in deep pain, as I've been over the past few years with all of the horrible things that have happened to me, you become as insane as a bag full of wet cats. You can very quickly explode and pour yourself out to the wrong people who although they mean well, leave you with a whole lot of advice that just makes things worse. I've made the mistake in the past of sharing too much with the wrong people who have later used what I've shared with them as a weapon when I quite rightly called them out on something that they were doing wrong. It's not something I'll do again. The best suggestion I have when facing pain that is causing you to want to act like this is to not only press into God for yourself and to ask for the right words, but also to ask Him for the right people to speak the right words into your situation.

Job is a good example - his friends really loved him and wanted to help but they couldn't grasp why he was going through what he was going through, and threw out ideas that in other scenarios may have been appropriate but in this particular one, they just didn't make sense and made Job feel even more alone and his friends powerless to help him. He wasn't in terrible pain because of anything He had done but because that was where God wanted him at that given moment in time. But in the end, God came through and I'm willing to bet that not only did Job learn something, but his friends also learned something as well that it's more important to seek God for yourself for answers rather than just throwing answers at someone and hoping that they stick as they seemed to do with Job.

In conclusion - read this story. Remember it next time you find yourself in crap and ask yourself who your real friends really are - you may be surprised.Take care.