Being an Outsider

We live in a world where social acceptance is desired and strived for, quite often at the expense of moral truth and law. So what does it mean to be a Christian in a world where everyone wants to be liked and accepted?

The more I think about it, the more I have realized that Jesus was an outsider. Yes he was very popular during some stages of His ministry but there were also a lot of people who He offended and rubbed the wrong way because to Him, truth was more important than popularity. He stuck to what He knew was right, especially regarding Himself and His calling on earth, even when it cost Him everything. Towards the very end of His ministry on earth as He was dying on the cross he had only a small handful of people with Him as nearly everyone had deserted Him. This was a man who once had thousands of people hanging on His every word and was now in a position where He was almost completely alone due to His commitment to the truth and what His calling was.

This has been a very challenging aspect of Christianity for me to grasp. When I was younger, due to my internal issues I was struggling with I really wanted to be liked and accepted above all things. I learned to let everything slide that offended me in the name of keeping the peace because I didn't want to stir the pot. This was an easier and safer way to live. It was too overwhelming for me to feel like I had offended someone else or done something wrong so the only way that seemed right to live was to be on-side with everybody, all the time.

However, this way of thinking was not to last. After I got very sick with burnout about 7 years ago God began challenging me on speaking the truth to other people. He began putting me in situations where unjust things were happening and people were ignoring the truth because it suited them, and then challenging me to speak the truth about what was happening as it simply needed to be said. The words He clearly used towards me were "Get over yourself!" which meant - just speak out and do what you are meant to do, and stop worrying about whether people like you for it or not.

Needless to say this has not made me a very popular person over the years. I have been called into many situations that I was hoping would work out and last only to realize that I had just been called there for a temporary season to confront issues that were happening in that environment, speak the truth about them, and then leave. I recently had a job on a fixed term contract that seemed ideal until I began to realize what was happening between the team members in the environment I was working in. Several people had started their own little clique and would regularly bully, manipulate and gossip about other members of the team, and if anyone dared complain to management about their behavior they would gang up on that person and go out of their way to reject and exclude them for daring to disrupt the terrible way they treated others.

The ringleader of this little club decided one day that they were in charge of me and that I had to answer to them to the point where their behavior became intrusive and disrespecting of my boundaries. They would regularly check up on me and ask what I was working on, when I was starting and finishing and would even go on my computer while I was away from it to see what websites I had been viewing. This person told me once that when they had a disagreement with their partner it would last for days and wouldn't end until their partner said that they were wrong and this person was right, so it was obvious they had major control and pride related issues. This person was very vain, bossy and used to getting their own way, and enjoyed feeling popular and "in charge" in this work environment, and their friends enjoyed gossiping about others they worked with and would do it on a regular basis. The last straw came when this person humiliated me by telling me off in front of all of my colleagues because they weren't happy with the time I was finishing work on that particular day. I found out shortly after that this person had no authority whatsoever to be doing what they were doing, so I complained to management who very quickly told them to stop their behavior. Their response was to hate me for daring to stand up to them and they quickly rallied their friends around them to exclude me and make it seem like the whole situation was my fault.

These people were excellent at deceiving others and making them think that they were all sweetness and light when the total opposite was true, and due to the people they surrounded themselves with no one would do anything about their behavior - people would just make excuses for it or flat out deny that it was even happening. This little group of bullies expected to just keep on getting away with it until I realized that God had called me into that situation to stand against them and be a voice of reason and truth. I had a word burning on my heart for the ringleader of this little club who treated me so badly warning them specifically about their bullying and unrepentant behavior, need for control and the terrible company they surrounded themselves with. I felt to warn them that unless significant change happened in their life that they were going down a very dark path which would end in regret. I especially felt to warn them that if they continued treating their partner in the same way that they treated me that their marriage would eventually disintegrate and that even if it lasted their partner would resent and not respect them.

Having to do this was a huge act of sacrifice for me as this was a work environment I had hoped would last a long time so it was heartbreaking and frustrating to have to not only leave the environment but have to directly confront the perpetrators that were causing so much harm in this environment which lead to me leaving on worse terms than I wanted to. But I realized that the alternative was worse - I couldn't live with myself if I just sat back and said nothing about what was happening as the word would just continue to sit inside of me and eat me alive until I decided to forget about the consequences to myself and my reputation, and be obedient to what God was telling me to do. I realize that in many of these situations some of the issues could be perceived as being "none of my business" but as far as I am concerned, my business is being obedient to God and if I know God is calling me to give a word of warning to someone then it becomes my business to do that.

I have been called into situations like this a lot over the years  - such as ministry environments lead by people who were just thinking about their own selfish gain, living environments with landlords with serious boundary issues and problems with greed, pride and unteachability, and workplace environments like the one I just mentioned. Being called into situations to be a voice of truth has not become any easier over the years but I know that the alternative of being disobedient by not speaking out when I am meant to will make things worse for me in the long run. It will mean that I am living without internal peace until I get over myself and my desire to be liked, and place obedience to God before my own need for acceptance and desire not to ruffle the feathers of others.

I have realized that God needs people to do this and calls people specifically for this task. It might seem like people continually get away with the sin they are committing and I believe that this often happens because no one has directly warned them about what will happen to them if they don't stop. I believe God often doesn't allow bad consequences to come upon those who are persisting in regular sin that hurts both themselves and others until that person has been specifically warned so that they can never say to God "well I never knew this was going to happen as nobody warned me". I have found on many occasions that nothing changes in the circumstances of people who are acting like these bullies have acted until I have spoken a truthful warning to them as it gives God room to move, as He will be able to tell them someday - "Graham warned you, and you ignored the warning, so harm came upon you". I've often felt specifically that I "bring out the worst in people" and I've realized that this often happens because the strong demonic forces in others manifest around me - such as the way that they manifested with the person I worked with. This happens because God wants me to see what is truly going on with them so that I can speak the truth about what they are really like, so that they have the chance to change. Needless to say this is a very stressful way to live and a very difficult calling to have on your life.

The main thing that has kept me going and helped me to be somewhat ok with living as a voice for truth in a world that loves lies is the realization that this life is temporary and that I'm living for something greater. I have realized as I have gotten older that life is short and what really matters is doing what God specifically calls you to do because at the end of the day nothing else here is truly going to last. Accumulating a whole lot of wealth might make living here a bit easier but at the end of the day we are all going to pass away one day anyway, and once that happens all of that wealth just gets handed over to somebody else, so it is better to "store up treasure in heaven where thieves do not break in and steal, and moths and rust do not destroy" (Matthew 6:19-21). 

You never know when your last day will be - I knew a lady who was extremely ambitious and full of life - so much so that taking one look at what she was up to made you really think she was living life to the fullest and was going to be around forever. She had her own performing arts group, was on television commercials and regularly traveled the world. All of a sudden she fell off a horse and died due to internal injuries at just 34 years old, so you never know when your time is up. When you choose to look at life on earth as a temporary place you are just passing through and that your real goal is to store up treasure in heaven through obedience, it makes life that much easier to deal with when you encounter hard times, especially when you know that it could end at any moment and you will go on to eternity which will last forever.

I know that there are a lot of people who don't like me because of the calling on my life. I know that the little club in my old workplace despise me and if I see any of them on the street I see them looking straight at me while smiling wickedly and gossiping with their friends about me, but I can safely say I don't care as I know I've done the right thing. I know there are others throughout the years that still harbour resentment against me for standing up to them and speaking the truth, but my conscience is clear so I sleep easy at night. I have achieved the total opposite of wanting people to like me and have replaced it with something far more important - I have achieved God's approval for being obedient and doing what He has called me to do regardless of the cost.

Is God calling you to be an outsider? You need to ask yourself - which is more important, going with the flow and not "rocking the boat" so to speak, or doing the right thing and speaking up against things which you know are wrong, regardless of the cost?

Take care.