I've been thinking recently about the purposes of God in my life as a Christian. God walks with the people who have chosen to accept Him and lays out paths for them that He wishes for them to walk in their lives. So how do we know when we are on the path He wants us to walk on, or the path we've chosen for ourselves that's actually gone against what He wishes for us?
I remember one particular incident in my life when I had just finished my first year of Faith Bible College. I returned home to Wellington and without asking God what He wanted I just went for what I wanted to do, which was get a job and work to pay off the student debt I had accrued. I didn't bother to ask God what He wanted me to do. Looking back now, I know that wasn't God's will for me. I think I was meant to go back to Faith Bible College. But I didn't care. I told God if I didn't get this job, I was moving to Australia. ANd I meant it. When I was first offered the job it just seemed to me as if God was saying "fine - have it your way". But I didn't care. I had a job. I got what I wanted.
Things started off ok. But as time wore on frustrations began to creep in and I began to lose any sense of peace I ever had about this job. I became more and more distressed and unhappy. I thought if I just continued to hang in there and persevere things would improve. They didn't. Despite all outward appearances that things were fine, I was in complete chaos on the inside. Things only continued to get worse and finally I ended up speaking to my doctor who prescribed me antidepressants. The thing is, I had very low serotonin levels in my brain so I had been in need of antidepressants for some time. It was a blessing in the sense that this situation at work made me aware of my need for medication. But then the horrible side effects began. Sweating, shaking and the like.
I continued to persevere but I was regularly taking days off work sick due to the horrible side effects of the medication I had just begun. My body was under so much stress I was struggling to eat and often couldn't keep food down. Eventually Christmas time rolled around and I went to stay with friends on Great Barrier Island. On the way up to Auckland I had the first sign that something was seriously wrong with me. I felt this horrible wave of nausea ripping through me and it was so bad I had to ask the bus driver to pull over. I crouched on the side of the rode in Turangi, gasping for breath.
At Great Barrier things only got worse. What was supposed to be a relaxing holiday got ten times worse when one day I literally felt as if my stomach had been ripped in half. Shortly afterwards I began vomiting blood. I was rushed to the doctors who immediately called the helicopter to fly me to Auckland hospital. Turns out I had a bleeding stomach ulcer due to high stress levels. I lost a huge amount of weight (not like I have any to lose anyway) and after a few days in hospital, I returned back to Wellington. When I got back to work I was told I was not performing adequately and that regular meetings would be happening to discuss my performance. I soon realized I was more or less being asked to leave. I finally realized I couldn't keep this going and that I had to quit. So I resigned and moved back to Tauranga to do my second year at FBC like I was meant to in the first place.
What did I learn from all of this? To ask God what He wants instead of just taking what I want. Because although things can look good for a while, eventually the reality will begin to sink in that all that's really happening is that you're "pushing crap uphill" so to speak. What happens the second you stop pushing something uphill? It rolls back down on you. There's nothing else to help it continue its journey. There's no one else pushing - only you.
I also learned that acts of willful disobedience by not asking God His will and expecting Him to just fit in with what I wanted to do can only continue for a season. It got to the point where I think God just said "that's enough - you're not going any further in this." It was always going to fail at some point. A Christian who wants to follow God's will can only continue in deliberate disobedience for so long before they hit a brick wall.
Yet another thing I learned was that although I was doing wrong - good things can be taken out of these situations. It was actually a huge blessing to me to realize that I needed to start a course of medication at that point because it helped take my serotonin levels back up to normal. It also taught me that the safest place to be is in the place of God's will and if Godly people or God Himself are warning you not to do something you should really listen to them as there's quite often a good reason why.
When we walk in the path God has set for us - we're not pushing crap uphill. It can be hard at times - incredibly hard. But if God has brought us to it, then He will bring us through it. The all important factor is that because we are being obedient by listening to His voice and obeying His instructions, He is actively involved in our journey - closing doors He doesn't want us to walk through and opening doors He wants us to walk through. There's a deep sense of spiritual peace that comes from walking in the path God has for us - the peace that "surpasses all understanding". (Philippians 4:7). When we are walking in accordance with our own selfish desires and not in the will of God, we lack that peace. It simply isn't there. We can get some kind of emotional gratification from that path - such as we would out of being in a wrong relationship - but the deep down, underlying sense of spiritual peace isn't there. The lack of peace will eventually force its way to the surface and until then we aren't really living but existing, in a place of numbness because we know what we are doing is wrong, but we refuse to admit it.
Isaiah 30:21 says "When you turn either to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying 'this is the way, walk in it.'" God has promised us in His Word that He will speak to us and guide us. The question is - are we prepared to listen to Him, even if the voice is telling us what we really don't want to hear? The fact is - if we continue deliberately walking against His will, we will someday realize it and regret it.
So if you hear God's guidance behind you today, if you see Him actively closing doors in your life and warning you not to continue the way that you are going - listen to Him. You don't want to go through what I did to learn this lesson.
Take care.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Latest author interview - read it HERE!
Hello everyone,
I was interviewed by my friend and fellow writer Lucy Morgan-Jones about my new book.
Check it out at this link -
http://lucymorgan-jones.com/2013/04/17/no-way-out-but-through-an-honest-interview-with-graham-aitchison/
Hope you enjoy!
I was interviewed by my friend and fellow writer Lucy Morgan-Jones about my new book.
Check it out at this link -
http://lucymorgan-jones.com/2013/04/17/no-way-out-but-through-an-honest-interview-with-graham-aitchison/
Hope you enjoy!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Defining good character
This is a word you see thrown around a lot in Christian circles. "Character". It's all about the "character" of God, what sort of character we should look for in a spouse, etc. But what does the term actually mean? How do you define if someone has good character or not and what kind of people are the ones who have good character?
I believe a person's character is defined by the heart attitudes and belief systems they hold onto which surpass absolutely everything else in their lives. Despite whatever spiritual and emotional issues they may be facing - their character overrides that.
People with good character are not necessarily completely emotionally healthy, fully functional people. They can still have deep emotional wounds that they haven't faced yet, perhaps because they aren't ready to face them at that time. People with good character can still be prone to explosive incidents where they make mistakes and get things terribly wrong. But their real character overrides that - because it's defined by what they do with the mistakes that they have made.
Trials and tribulations are designed to rock our human lives to the core so that we face who we are as human beings and are given an opportunity to face and change the darker parts of our lives. The deepest issues in our lives can never be exposed unless our world is shaken to the core, and that shaking process can be both violent and terrifying. Even the most spiritually and emotionally aware human being who already has a good strong knowledge of themselves and their own emotional make up can find themselves in very darkened places within their own hearts thanks to the shaking happening in their circumstances - and that's exactly how it's meant to be.
Character is defined by how we respond to this shaking and how we respond to the ugliness that's revealed within ourselves when the darkest parts of our own hearts are revealed to us. A person with good character may have found themselves overreacting thanks to a situation that they'd never faced before which brought up something within their own lives that they needed to address. They perhaps weren't able to address it right in the heat of the moment and overreacted. Which is common. However, their character is defined as to how they respond to their overreaction. Do they shirk blame and responsibility, blame others for the state of their own hearts and walk away ignoring this opportunity for personal growth due to being blinded by their own pride, or do they use it as an opportunity to better themselves by learning to look within and ask God to help identify the emotional driving forces that pushed them to this point so that they can work through them and be healed of them? When confronted with their own sin, do they own up and take responsibility (regardless of who is confronting them about their sin) or do they knowingly and willingly defend doing what they know is wrong? To respond in the first manner shows poor, undeveloped character. To respond in the second way shows good character.
The next definition of character is what happens from that point on. Do those who have done wrong learn from their mistakes, heal themselves of the pain that surfaced when their life is shaken and automatically respond better next time, or do they apologize and give the illusion of having changed yet just continue to make the same mistakes all over again and respond the exact same way when next faced with that obstacle (which they'll undoubtedly face once again if they haven't fully worked through it)? This is something that in a lot of ways can only really be observed over time. It's easy to give the appearance of having made significant change in one's life but appearances can be deceiving at times. Once push comes to shove again, you'll see what they are really made of and if they've changed at all.
Everyone is at different stages along this journey. Some are further along than others. I would like to believe that my character is defined by the continual desire to become a stronger, healthier, more well adjusted person. I've learned how to take good things out of hard times and I've certainly faced some times over the past few years that have pushed me well out of what I believed I was capable of coping with at the time and into some dark, terrifying emotional landscapes in my own heart. Sometimes I've reacted badly. Does this make me a bad person and does this cause me to have bad character? I don't believe it does. For the simple reason that despite all these experiences where I know I've made mistakes, I've learned a great deal about myself and become much stronger and healthier as a result. Those who know me well and have observed me over time have noticed a drastic change over the past few years. I could easily have decided to sit and sulk in my misery but I made the effort to improve myself, and I believe that effort is showing. I've made mistakes, and those mistakes have had consequences. But they don't change who I am as a person.
I have also had to make choices to remove people from my life for the way that the place that they are in currently in regards to their journey has affected me and in some cases, hurt me very deeply. People immediately say "you shouldn't judge". I believe you can't judge a person's heart. But you can judge their actions and when people are deliberately defending wrongdoing in their own lives which is hurting other people, I feel I am quite within my rights to make the choice to remove them. I can't judge what is happening in their hearts. That's not my place. But what I can do is say to myself that "I don't believe it's beneficial for me or this person if we remain in each other's lives. Their character has proven that they may do this to me again and they also need to face some consequences for their actions". Which I think is a fair point. God forgives us our sins. But there's still consequences for the wrong we've done and sometimes those consequences are irreversible. I know I've done some things in the past with irreversible consequences to friendships and relationships. I've learned from them and grown as a result. But the consequences remain.
I guess my point is that we need to be very careful whom we allow closely into our hearts and before we go off crying out to God for a spouse or anything like that, we need to make sure our own character is in a place of being ready for it and being able to handle it. I believe that God knows our hearts and our lives better than we do. He is capable of bringing the right people into our lives at the right time - people of character. But we must have good character ourselves first. Developing good character is a messy and painful process. It can take years before any change is seen. But it's necessary if we want to live healthy emotional lives and want to truly be able to better ourselves as people and make the world a better place.
Take care.
I believe a person's character is defined by the heart attitudes and belief systems they hold onto which surpass absolutely everything else in their lives. Despite whatever spiritual and emotional issues they may be facing - their character overrides that.
People with good character are not necessarily completely emotionally healthy, fully functional people. They can still have deep emotional wounds that they haven't faced yet, perhaps because they aren't ready to face them at that time. People with good character can still be prone to explosive incidents where they make mistakes and get things terribly wrong. But their real character overrides that - because it's defined by what they do with the mistakes that they have made.
Trials and tribulations are designed to rock our human lives to the core so that we face who we are as human beings and are given an opportunity to face and change the darker parts of our lives. The deepest issues in our lives can never be exposed unless our world is shaken to the core, and that shaking process can be both violent and terrifying. Even the most spiritually and emotionally aware human being who already has a good strong knowledge of themselves and their own emotional make up can find themselves in very darkened places within their own hearts thanks to the shaking happening in their circumstances - and that's exactly how it's meant to be.
Character is defined by how we respond to this shaking and how we respond to the ugliness that's revealed within ourselves when the darkest parts of our own hearts are revealed to us. A person with good character may have found themselves overreacting thanks to a situation that they'd never faced before which brought up something within their own lives that they needed to address. They perhaps weren't able to address it right in the heat of the moment and overreacted. Which is common. However, their character is defined as to how they respond to their overreaction. Do they shirk blame and responsibility, blame others for the state of their own hearts and walk away ignoring this opportunity for personal growth due to being blinded by their own pride, or do they use it as an opportunity to better themselves by learning to look within and ask God to help identify the emotional driving forces that pushed them to this point so that they can work through them and be healed of them? When confronted with their own sin, do they own up and take responsibility (regardless of who is confronting them about their sin) or do they knowingly and willingly defend doing what they know is wrong? To respond in the first manner shows poor, undeveloped character. To respond in the second way shows good character.
The next definition of character is what happens from that point on. Do those who have done wrong learn from their mistakes, heal themselves of the pain that surfaced when their life is shaken and automatically respond better next time, or do they apologize and give the illusion of having changed yet just continue to make the same mistakes all over again and respond the exact same way when next faced with that obstacle (which they'll undoubtedly face once again if they haven't fully worked through it)? This is something that in a lot of ways can only really be observed over time. It's easy to give the appearance of having made significant change in one's life but appearances can be deceiving at times. Once push comes to shove again, you'll see what they are really made of and if they've changed at all.
Everyone is at different stages along this journey. Some are further along than others. I would like to believe that my character is defined by the continual desire to become a stronger, healthier, more well adjusted person. I've learned how to take good things out of hard times and I've certainly faced some times over the past few years that have pushed me well out of what I believed I was capable of coping with at the time and into some dark, terrifying emotional landscapes in my own heart. Sometimes I've reacted badly. Does this make me a bad person and does this cause me to have bad character? I don't believe it does. For the simple reason that despite all these experiences where I know I've made mistakes, I've learned a great deal about myself and become much stronger and healthier as a result. Those who know me well and have observed me over time have noticed a drastic change over the past few years. I could easily have decided to sit and sulk in my misery but I made the effort to improve myself, and I believe that effort is showing. I've made mistakes, and those mistakes have had consequences. But they don't change who I am as a person.
I have also had to make choices to remove people from my life for the way that the place that they are in currently in regards to their journey has affected me and in some cases, hurt me very deeply. People immediately say "you shouldn't judge". I believe you can't judge a person's heart. But you can judge their actions and when people are deliberately defending wrongdoing in their own lives which is hurting other people, I feel I am quite within my rights to make the choice to remove them. I can't judge what is happening in their hearts. That's not my place. But what I can do is say to myself that "I don't believe it's beneficial for me or this person if we remain in each other's lives. Their character has proven that they may do this to me again and they also need to face some consequences for their actions". Which I think is a fair point. God forgives us our sins. But there's still consequences for the wrong we've done and sometimes those consequences are irreversible. I know I've done some things in the past with irreversible consequences to friendships and relationships. I've learned from them and grown as a result. But the consequences remain.
I guess my point is that we need to be very careful whom we allow closely into our hearts and before we go off crying out to God for a spouse or anything like that, we need to make sure our own character is in a place of being ready for it and being able to handle it. I believe that God knows our hearts and our lives better than we do. He is capable of bringing the right people into our lives at the right time - people of character. But we must have good character ourselves first. Developing good character is a messy and painful process. It can take years before any change is seen. But it's necessary if we want to live healthy emotional lives and want to truly be able to better ourselves as people and make the world a better place.
Take care.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
The driving force
No, this isn't a blog post about cars! I'm talking about our motives as people to go out and achieve things in life - some things which have simply never been done before.
I often think back to the Star Wars - Special Features DVD I have as part of my collection which details George Lucas' making of the three original Star Wars movies - in particular, the first one. To be quite honest, it appeared to be absolutely shambolic. They went way over budget, way over deadline, most of the actors thought the dialogue (and indeed the whole movie) was a bit strange and they were constantly beset with problems - especially when a sandstorm destroyed their movie set out in Tunisia. They were also inventing all kinds of new technology to get the cinematic shots they wanted. No easy task.
I began to think of just how incredibly easy it would have been for Lucas to just give up and pack the whole project in - especially seeing as at one point he was hospitalized for chest pains. The whole thing just seemed to be an absolute mess and now his health was at risk as a result. Yet he simply did not quit. He just kept on going, kept persevering despite how drained he was becoming and eventually this project began to take real shape and ended up becoming one of the most classic movies of all time which set George up to make the next two films (and the prequels many years after that - but we won't get into those right now!!)
I thought to myself - if I were in his shoes I probably would have quit about a week into production. I would have been overwhelmed by the magnitude of the task I was trying to accomplish and would have quickly decided that this was a bad idea from the get-go, and that it was best to kill it off before any further damage was done and any further time and money wasted. I find it baffling that George didn't do this himself. Perhaps he did consider giving up, but he persevered and came out the other end with something that, in many ways, changed the world and certainly changed the way we look at movies.
The reason I believe he never quit was because he had the driving force to do this. He just knew it was what he was meant to be doing and that he wanted to make this film, and that despite the problems he had the talent and the resources to make it work. He knew that eventually his dream would be realized. This is what drove him. There was no half-heartedness about him and this project in any way. He knew he was going to finish this movie and that he was going to go far and every single obstacle that stood in his way simply became a stepping stone he eventually got over on the course to reach his goal.
I used to find myself fascinated and very envious of people like this. In the face of constant turmoil and dysfunction, they still continued to keep going and keep believing in what they were doing. They were willing to put everything on the line and risk it all in favor of what they believed in. I wished I could be one of those people. I tried at different times over the years to set goals that I planned to reach with the belief that nothing would stand in my way - but they just ended up petering out into nothing. One of those goals was to become an incredible, potentially genre-defining guitarist and songwriter. Don't get me wrong, I love playing the guitar and I believe I will always love it. But despite the best of intentions that I had to achieve this goal, my heart at the end of the day, wasn't really in it. Deep down, I knew that although I probably had the ability to achieve this goal, I didn't really have the desire to put in the work required to achieve it.
I used to think I was a bit useless for this very reason and that I'd never make my mark on the world, that lots of people were far braver than I was and that I'd never amount to anything simply because I didn't believe in anything enough to see it through to completion. But then I discovered that I had a gift for writing - and that God wanted me to write a book. Immediately I threw myself into this project wholeheartedly, writing almost constantly, chopping and changing here and there, developing ideas and cutting them out if necessary, mixing paragraphs and chapters around. The whole time, I had a clear vision of what I wanted to see in this book, and I just had that fire and that drive to do it. A lot of people start writing books and never finish them. For me this simply wasn't an option. This book was going to be finished, and that was that.
As many of you know, once the book was complete it was uploaded to Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing and I made a few sales and received some very positive reviews - marking the book as a "fascinating read" and "a journey that smashes the boundaries of mental illness". Eventually, my book was picked up by a huge publishing firm in Florida, USA and has now been printed as a paperback and is scheduled for a worldwide release in the very near future. I sunk countless hours into this work and would often spend entire evenings and weekends writing, reading, re-writing and re-reading even though I was still holding down a very demanding full time job. I realized that I was doing exactly what George Lucas was doing and why he just wouldn't quit. I had the same, unstoppable driving force to achieve my goal as what he did - for him it was to make movies, for me it was to write books.
Now as the book borders on a worldwide release and I'm getting people requesting signed paperback copies already, I am about to reap the rewards of the hard work I've done. All of those long evenings sitting over a stack of paper with a red pen, cutting and pasting on the computer and constantly formulating different ideas in my head are all about to start paying off. And its all because of that driving force I had.
I realize that the driving force of just knowing you are meant to do something and that no one can tell you otherwise is what has got me this far. It's not just "hard work and determination". You have to really believe in what you are doing - it's almost like it consumes you, you can't imagine ever not doing what you're doing and it doesn't really seem like work (even though it is). I didn't know what my driving force was until I discovered it was writing. I believe there are many people who also feel a bit useless and possibly feel like failures as I have done - but in many cases I don't believe it's because they just gave up. I believe that its often simply because they don't know what it is that they really want to do with their lives because they don't yet know what they are created to do. Once they find that - then it's all on.
So if you are out there and you are feeling as though you are a bit of a failure because you haven't found that all consuming drive to do something in your own life yet - don't panic. Each person is on their own personal journey. It could be that you have a little more growing to do as a person before your true heart's desire that no one can quench will be revealed to you. But I believe your all consuming desire is in you - you just have to find it. Once it's revealed to you - you'll know without a shadow of a doubt. There won't be any uncertainty, confusion or disillusionment - you'll know where you "fit" and no one will be able to tell you otherwise.
Take care.
I often think back to the Star Wars - Special Features DVD I have as part of my collection which details George Lucas' making of the three original Star Wars movies - in particular, the first one. To be quite honest, it appeared to be absolutely shambolic. They went way over budget, way over deadline, most of the actors thought the dialogue (and indeed the whole movie) was a bit strange and they were constantly beset with problems - especially when a sandstorm destroyed their movie set out in Tunisia. They were also inventing all kinds of new technology to get the cinematic shots they wanted. No easy task.
I began to think of just how incredibly easy it would have been for Lucas to just give up and pack the whole project in - especially seeing as at one point he was hospitalized for chest pains. The whole thing just seemed to be an absolute mess and now his health was at risk as a result. Yet he simply did not quit. He just kept on going, kept persevering despite how drained he was becoming and eventually this project began to take real shape and ended up becoming one of the most classic movies of all time which set George up to make the next two films (and the prequels many years after that - but we won't get into those right now!!)
I thought to myself - if I were in his shoes I probably would have quit about a week into production. I would have been overwhelmed by the magnitude of the task I was trying to accomplish and would have quickly decided that this was a bad idea from the get-go, and that it was best to kill it off before any further damage was done and any further time and money wasted. I find it baffling that George didn't do this himself. Perhaps he did consider giving up, but he persevered and came out the other end with something that, in many ways, changed the world and certainly changed the way we look at movies.
The reason I believe he never quit was because he had the driving force to do this. He just knew it was what he was meant to be doing and that he wanted to make this film, and that despite the problems he had the talent and the resources to make it work. He knew that eventually his dream would be realized. This is what drove him. There was no half-heartedness about him and this project in any way. He knew he was going to finish this movie and that he was going to go far and every single obstacle that stood in his way simply became a stepping stone he eventually got over on the course to reach his goal.
I used to find myself fascinated and very envious of people like this. In the face of constant turmoil and dysfunction, they still continued to keep going and keep believing in what they were doing. They were willing to put everything on the line and risk it all in favor of what they believed in. I wished I could be one of those people. I tried at different times over the years to set goals that I planned to reach with the belief that nothing would stand in my way - but they just ended up petering out into nothing. One of those goals was to become an incredible, potentially genre-defining guitarist and songwriter. Don't get me wrong, I love playing the guitar and I believe I will always love it. But despite the best of intentions that I had to achieve this goal, my heart at the end of the day, wasn't really in it. Deep down, I knew that although I probably had the ability to achieve this goal, I didn't really have the desire to put in the work required to achieve it.
I used to think I was a bit useless for this very reason and that I'd never make my mark on the world, that lots of people were far braver than I was and that I'd never amount to anything simply because I didn't believe in anything enough to see it through to completion. But then I discovered that I had a gift for writing - and that God wanted me to write a book. Immediately I threw myself into this project wholeheartedly, writing almost constantly, chopping and changing here and there, developing ideas and cutting them out if necessary, mixing paragraphs and chapters around. The whole time, I had a clear vision of what I wanted to see in this book, and I just had that fire and that drive to do it. A lot of people start writing books and never finish them. For me this simply wasn't an option. This book was going to be finished, and that was that.
As many of you know, once the book was complete it was uploaded to Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing and I made a few sales and received some very positive reviews - marking the book as a "fascinating read" and "a journey that smashes the boundaries of mental illness". Eventually, my book was picked up by a huge publishing firm in Florida, USA and has now been printed as a paperback and is scheduled for a worldwide release in the very near future. I sunk countless hours into this work and would often spend entire evenings and weekends writing, reading, re-writing and re-reading even though I was still holding down a very demanding full time job. I realized that I was doing exactly what George Lucas was doing and why he just wouldn't quit. I had the same, unstoppable driving force to achieve my goal as what he did - for him it was to make movies, for me it was to write books.
Now as the book borders on a worldwide release and I'm getting people requesting signed paperback copies already, I am about to reap the rewards of the hard work I've done. All of those long evenings sitting over a stack of paper with a red pen, cutting and pasting on the computer and constantly formulating different ideas in my head are all about to start paying off. And its all because of that driving force I had.
I realize that the driving force of just knowing you are meant to do something and that no one can tell you otherwise is what has got me this far. It's not just "hard work and determination". You have to really believe in what you are doing - it's almost like it consumes you, you can't imagine ever not doing what you're doing and it doesn't really seem like work (even though it is). I didn't know what my driving force was until I discovered it was writing. I believe there are many people who also feel a bit useless and possibly feel like failures as I have done - but in many cases I don't believe it's because they just gave up. I believe that its often simply because they don't know what it is that they really want to do with their lives because they don't yet know what they are created to do. Once they find that - then it's all on.
So if you are out there and you are feeling as though you are a bit of a failure because you haven't found that all consuming drive to do something in your own life yet - don't panic. Each person is on their own personal journey. It could be that you have a little more growing to do as a person before your true heart's desire that no one can quench will be revealed to you. But I believe your all consuming desire is in you - you just have to find it. Once it's revealed to you - you'll know without a shadow of a doubt. There won't be any uncertainty, confusion or disillusionment - you'll know where you "fit" and no one will be able to tell you otherwise.
Take care.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
The story of the bird
I just heard this story for the first time a few weeks ago, and I think it's not only worth sharing, but it's worth expanding on a bit as there's some really awesome truth in here.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze up and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The morals of this story are:
Not everyone who drops crap on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
And when you're in crap over your head, keep your mouth shut!
I certainly know how it feels to be in the situation of every animal described in this story. I've very often been the bird itself, a sufferer of incredibly unfortunate and seemingly unforgiving events. I've also been the cow and dropped people in crap big time. There are also unfortunate times when I've been the cat.
The first point - not everyone who drops crap on you is your enemy - is very, very true although it's not always easy to see it that way. I see this statement in regards to how the military is run, and I'm sure the friends I have who have served in the Armed Forces will agree with me. Your sergeant drops you in crap - big time. He is hard on you and it's all for the purpose of completely breaking you down. Which hurts like crazy. But he's not your enemy. He's doing this because once you've been completely broken down and destroyed, they want to build you up into the man that they want you to be. God often treats people the same way. I've been lead into some absolutely rotten circumstances over the past few years and the only reason I can say that I've been there, is because God has lead me there. But He's not my enemy even though sometimes it really does feel like it. Sometimes dropping someone in the crap can be the best thing that you can ever possibly do for them.
The second point, is also true. There are people out there who will never tell you that you're wrong (even when you quite obviously are), will always rescue you even when you need to face the consequences of your own actions and will agree with every single thing that you say. These people are often referred to as "yes" men. Though they can seem to be comforting at times, in reality they are the strongest antithesis to spiritual and emotional growth. If someone has severe issues in their heart and is refusing to face them, mollycoddling them and telling them that "everything is ok, it's all everyone else's fault" or some rubbish like that isn't going to help them. It's just going to keep them holding onto their issues at all costs because they don't have to face them knowing that they've got someone around them who will always help them escape from their issues.
I fully agree with the statement "nice guys finish last". Sorry to all of you Sensitive New Age Guy types out there, but it's true. God is loving - but He's by no means "nice". A friend told me that in 2006 and I've never forgotten it, as it just continually reveals itself to be true. Some of the best people I know in my life - the people I feel safest around and would trust with my life - are far from being "nice" people. They are strong, honest, grumpy, whatever you want to call it - but they call a spade a spade. I know that if they drop me in crap, it's because they give a crap about me in the first place. I also know that if they refuse to rescue me from my crap - it's for the same reason. They know I'll learn more if I fight through it myself. God is not "nice" by any means. If He was "nice" He wouldn't have allowed Jesus to die a brutal death on a cross so that others could live.
The last point is the one I will quite openly admit that I struggle with the most - keeping your mouth shut while in deep crap. However, there is an interesting side to this issue. There are times in deep crap when you really do need to talk, as people can have very valuable advice and insight which can really help you either get out from what you're facing (if you're meant to of course) or show you how to get through it by changing your heart and belief systems while in the crap. But it's also very easy to speak to the wrong people and tell them too much, thus opening yourself up to the wrong advice which does nothing in the end but frustrate you and them. Not to say that the so-called "wrong" people mean you any harm - they always want to help. But when in deep pain you need to learn who you can really trust to listen to the Holy Spirit to give you the advice that you need.
It's hard being in this situation, not to mention isolating. When you are in deep pain, as I've been over the past few years with all of the horrible things that have happened to me, you become as insane as a bag full of wet cats. You can very quickly explode and pour yourself out to the wrong people who although they mean well, leave you with a whole lot of advice that just makes things worse. I've made the mistake in the past of sharing too much with the wrong people who have later used what I've shared with them as a weapon when I quite rightly called them out on something that they were doing wrong. It's not something I'll do again. The best suggestion I have when facing pain that is causing you to want to act like this is to not only press into God for yourself and to ask for the right words, but also to ask Him for the right people to speak the right words into your situation.
Job is a good example - his friends really loved him and wanted to help but they couldn't grasp why he was going through what he was going through, and threw out ideas that in other scenarios may have been appropriate but in this particular one, they just didn't make sense and made Job feel even more alone and his friends powerless to help him. He wasn't in terrible pain because of anything He had done but because that was where God wanted him at that given moment in time. But in the end, God came through and I'm willing to bet that not only did Job learn something, but his friends also learned something as well that it's more important to seek God for yourself for answers rather than just throwing answers at someone and hoping that they stick as they seemed to do with Job.
In conclusion - read this story. Remember it next time you find yourself in crap and ask yourself who your real friends really are - you may be surprised.Take care.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze up and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The morals of this story are:
Not everyone who drops crap on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
And when you're in crap over your head, keep your mouth shut!
I certainly know how it feels to be in the situation of every animal described in this story. I've very often been the bird itself, a sufferer of incredibly unfortunate and seemingly unforgiving events. I've also been the cow and dropped people in crap big time. There are also unfortunate times when I've been the cat.
The first point - not everyone who drops crap on you is your enemy - is very, very true although it's not always easy to see it that way. I see this statement in regards to how the military is run, and I'm sure the friends I have who have served in the Armed Forces will agree with me. Your sergeant drops you in crap - big time. He is hard on you and it's all for the purpose of completely breaking you down. Which hurts like crazy. But he's not your enemy. He's doing this because once you've been completely broken down and destroyed, they want to build you up into the man that they want you to be. God often treats people the same way. I've been lead into some absolutely rotten circumstances over the past few years and the only reason I can say that I've been there, is because God has lead me there. But He's not my enemy even though sometimes it really does feel like it. Sometimes dropping someone in the crap can be the best thing that you can ever possibly do for them.
The second point, is also true. There are people out there who will never tell you that you're wrong (even when you quite obviously are), will always rescue you even when you need to face the consequences of your own actions and will agree with every single thing that you say. These people are often referred to as "yes" men. Though they can seem to be comforting at times, in reality they are the strongest antithesis to spiritual and emotional growth. If someone has severe issues in their heart and is refusing to face them, mollycoddling them and telling them that "everything is ok, it's all everyone else's fault" or some rubbish like that isn't going to help them. It's just going to keep them holding onto their issues at all costs because they don't have to face them knowing that they've got someone around them who will always help them escape from their issues.
I fully agree with the statement "nice guys finish last". Sorry to all of you Sensitive New Age Guy types out there, but it's true. God is loving - but He's by no means "nice". A friend told me that in 2006 and I've never forgotten it, as it just continually reveals itself to be true. Some of the best people I know in my life - the people I feel safest around and would trust with my life - are far from being "nice" people. They are strong, honest, grumpy, whatever you want to call it - but they call a spade a spade. I know that if they drop me in crap, it's because they give a crap about me in the first place. I also know that if they refuse to rescue me from my crap - it's for the same reason. They know I'll learn more if I fight through it myself. God is not "nice" by any means. If He was "nice" He wouldn't have allowed Jesus to die a brutal death on a cross so that others could live.
The last point is the one I will quite openly admit that I struggle with the most - keeping your mouth shut while in deep crap. However, there is an interesting side to this issue. There are times in deep crap when you really do need to talk, as people can have very valuable advice and insight which can really help you either get out from what you're facing (if you're meant to of course) or show you how to get through it by changing your heart and belief systems while in the crap. But it's also very easy to speak to the wrong people and tell them too much, thus opening yourself up to the wrong advice which does nothing in the end but frustrate you and them. Not to say that the so-called "wrong" people mean you any harm - they always want to help. But when in deep pain you need to learn who you can really trust to listen to the Holy Spirit to give you the advice that you need.
It's hard being in this situation, not to mention isolating. When you are in deep pain, as I've been over the past few years with all of the horrible things that have happened to me, you become as insane as a bag full of wet cats. You can very quickly explode and pour yourself out to the wrong people who although they mean well, leave you with a whole lot of advice that just makes things worse. I've made the mistake in the past of sharing too much with the wrong people who have later used what I've shared with them as a weapon when I quite rightly called them out on something that they were doing wrong. It's not something I'll do again. The best suggestion I have when facing pain that is causing you to want to act like this is to not only press into God for yourself and to ask for the right words, but also to ask Him for the right people to speak the right words into your situation.
Job is a good example - his friends really loved him and wanted to help but they couldn't grasp why he was going through what he was going through, and threw out ideas that in other scenarios may have been appropriate but in this particular one, they just didn't make sense and made Job feel even more alone and his friends powerless to help him. He wasn't in terrible pain because of anything He had done but because that was where God wanted him at that given moment in time. But in the end, God came through and I'm willing to bet that not only did Job learn something, but his friends also learned something as well that it's more important to seek God for yourself for answers rather than just throwing answers at someone and hoping that they stick as they seemed to do with Job.
In conclusion - read this story. Remember it next time you find yourself in crap and ask yourself who your real friends really are - you may be surprised.Take care.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
God's warning signs
I'm writing this blog based on an experience I had just last night, so it's all very fresh in the mind and therefore a good time to write about it. I spent yesterday in Taupo for a wedding between two amazing friends of mine whom I love and respect immensely. It was a rather busy few days for me as I had the wedding to attend as a groomsman on the Saturday, plus I had to work on Sunday morning straight afterwards. I stayed for the reception and left to drive back home to Tauranga about 9:30pm. The drive was expected to take about 2 and a half hours.
By this stage I was running on little sleep from the night before as well as being very tired due to working the full week, driving to Taupo straight after work on Friday and being busy with the wedding all day Saturday so I was pretty severely tired and very much looking forward to my own bed. Just over halfway into the journey I found myself driving faster and faster to the point where I was hitting corners much faster than I usually do. It was at this point I felt God begin to speak to my heart in a still, small voice -
"Graham, you're driving much too fast - slow down."
So of course, my reply being rather cocky as I know the road so well, not to mention overtired, was the following -
"I'm fine, I know what I'm doing, I can handle this! I just want to get home as soon as possible so I can sleep!"
God's response was this -
"You'll be lucky to get home at all if you keep driving the way that you are."
I ignored God's response and found myself in a corner where I noticed the weight notably shift in the car to the point where I was almost losing traction. However, I reassured myself once again with "I got this!!" and continued powering ahead.
Sure enough, just a couple of corners down the road I found myself approaching the corner much too fast and trying to turn my highbeams down as there was a car coming the other way. Being overtired and trying to multitask I decided to just put my foot on the brakes as hard as possible. I felt the tyres lock up and the entire car start sliding towards the other side of the road. Fortunately, I've spent many an hour playing drift racing and driving simulator games on the Playstation, so I knew exactly what to do and counter-steered into the skid while pumping the brakes. The car started skidding in the other direction so I did the same thing again all the time with my foot off the accelerator so I was slowing down. Despite a few wild weaves all over the place I managed to straighten up, regain traction and continue on my merry way, albeit slightly shaken!!
I learned something through all of this - and not just about not driving when severely overtired. God warned me - clearly - and I ignored Him because I didn't like what He was saying and felt I didn't need His warning because I was in control. Next thing I know I am faced with a potentially life-threatening situation where I could easily have been killed if I were less capable when it comes to driving a car. I certainly couldn't have blamed God if I had crashed and been seriously injured or killed, or hurt someone else - all He'd simply say was "I warned you."
God doesn't warn us of things because He wants to spoil our fun. He warns us because He loves us and doesn't want us to make stupid mistakes. There are also times when God blocks off paths to us so that we are simply unable to walk them because He knows that path would ruin us and He loves us too much to let that happen. However, there are times when God takes His hand off situations and though He does warn us, He will not rescue us from the consequences of our own actions and will allow us to face the consequences of the disobedience of ignoring His direct and clear warning.
When a bridge is out on a roadway and therefore very dangerous, assuming it hasn't just recently happened there are almost always clearly stated warnings around saying that the bridge is out and that we cannot proceed further because it is dangerous. Sometimes there can even be barriers up to stop us. But a sign can only show us the way - it can't make us walk in it. We are free to ignore the sign if we so choose but we are placing ourselves in very serious danger. Even if there are barriers up, if we are determined we can still find a way through or around them. The sad part of this story is that eventually we are going to come face to face with that destroyed bridge at full speed and face the consequences of flying over the end of it.
God's warnings are the same. His warnings are clear, and direct, and should always be acknowledged and never ignored - but we can ignore them if we choose to and continue to plow into corners much faster than we should be and find ourselves losing control and nearly in the paths of oncoming traffic. God knew that I wouldn't listen to Him. Fortunately, I was not killed as a result of my ignorance. I could have been made to pay very heavily for my disobedience but I was lucky to escape with my life.
Over the past few months, God has impressed upon me very strongly that I needed to warn some people of their actions and that they needed to change their ways or they would find themselves in a lot of trouble.It hurts when you feel God has called you to warn someone about something and they ignore the warning and continue to charge ahead - seemingly without consequences. A person's warning to another person can often be completely unfounded and very easily ignored, and sometimes their warning is just based on their desire to achieve their own emotional gratification so the warning should not be taken seriously. However - there are times when God makes it very clear to someone that they need to warn another person about what they are doing and uses that person's voice to speak to them. Their warning can be ignored - but to ignore that is to ignore God's voice through them which can have very serious consequences.
God sends out loud warning signs if we are prepared to listen but sometimes He knows that we never will and will stubbornly continue doing what we are doing, regardless of what He says. I believe God then looks upon those who refuse to heed his warnings with both frustration and pity - frustration that they refuse to listen to what's best for them and pity that they are missing out on God's best because they can't get over their own stubbornness. God's mercy and forgiveness are always available to those who ask - even those who have deliberately ignored His warning - but the consequences of their disobedience will always be there.
It hurt me a lot when I felt that my warnings were ignored, but I now realize from my experiences last night just how costly (and almost deadly) ignoring the voice of God can be just because you don't like what it's saying, or for that matter, who is saying it (if God has chosen to use a person to speak through). I used to get so angry at feeling that every route was so strongly blocked off in my life to the point where I couldn't take them - even if I wanted to. Now I realize that although I often felt like the biggest loser on the planet, God was keeping me from things (and people) that would have been incredibly destructive and potentially had life-long consequences. Better a bit of pain from being belted with the rod of discipline than seeing the rod spared and one's entire life being destroyed as a result.
So my word to you is - listen. If you know in your heart, below all of your pride that God is warning you - listen and obey. Even if you don't like what He's warning you about - listen and obey anyway. Or you could have ended up like I (almost) did - or worse.
Take care.
By this stage I was running on little sleep from the night before as well as being very tired due to working the full week, driving to Taupo straight after work on Friday and being busy with the wedding all day Saturday so I was pretty severely tired and very much looking forward to my own bed. Just over halfway into the journey I found myself driving faster and faster to the point where I was hitting corners much faster than I usually do. It was at this point I felt God begin to speak to my heart in a still, small voice -
"Graham, you're driving much too fast - slow down."
So of course, my reply being rather cocky as I know the road so well, not to mention overtired, was the following -
"I'm fine, I know what I'm doing, I can handle this! I just want to get home as soon as possible so I can sleep!"
God's response was this -
"You'll be lucky to get home at all if you keep driving the way that you are."
I ignored God's response and found myself in a corner where I noticed the weight notably shift in the car to the point where I was almost losing traction. However, I reassured myself once again with "I got this!!" and continued powering ahead.
Sure enough, just a couple of corners down the road I found myself approaching the corner much too fast and trying to turn my highbeams down as there was a car coming the other way. Being overtired and trying to multitask I decided to just put my foot on the brakes as hard as possible. I felt the tyres lock up and the entire car start sliding towards the other side of the road. Fortunately, I've spent many an hour playing drift racing and driving simulator games on the Playstation, so I knew exactly what to do and counter-steered into the skid while pumping the brakes. The car started skidding in the other direction so I did the same thing again all the time with my foot off the accelerator so I was slowing down. Despite a few wild weaves all over the place I managed to straighten up, regain traction and continue on my merry way, albeit slightly shaken!!
I learned something through all of this - and not just about not driving when severely overtired. God warned me - clearly - and I ignored Him because I didn't like what He was saying and felt I didn't need His warning because I was in control. Next thing I know I am faced with a potentially life-threatening situation where I could easily have been killed if I were less capable when it comes to driving a car. I certainly couldn't have blamed God if I had crashed and been seriously injured or killed, or hurt someone else - all He'd simply say was "I warned you."
God doesn't warn us of things because He wants to spoil our fun. He warns us because He loves us and doesn't want us to make stupid mistakes. There are also times when God blocks off paths to us so that we are simply unable to walk them because He knows that path would ruin us and He loves us too much to let that happen. However, there are times when God takes His hand off situations and though He does warn us, He will not rescue us from the consequences of our own actions and will allow us to face the consequences of the disobedience of ignoring His direct and clear warning.
When a bridge is out on a roadway and therefore very dangerous, assuming it hasn't just recently happened there are almost always clearly stated warnings around saying that the bridge is out and that we cannot proceed further because it is dangerous. Sometimes there can even be barriers up to stop us. But a sign can only show us the way - it can't make us walk in it. We are free to ignore the sign if we so choose but we are placing ourselves in very serious danger. Even if there are barriers up, if we are determined we can still find a way through or around them. The sad part of this story is that eventually we are going to come face to face with that destroyed bridge at full speed and face the consequences of flying over the end of it.
God's warnings are the same. His warnings are clear, and direct, and should always be acknowledged and never ignored - but we can ignore them if we choose to and continue to plow into corners much faster than we should be and find ourselves losing control and nearly in the paths of oncoming traffic. God knew that I wouldn't listen to Him. Fortunately, I was not killed as a result of my ignorance. I could have been made to pay very heavily for my disobedience but I was lucky to escape with my life.
Over the past few months, God has impressed upon me very strongly that I needed to warn some people of their actions and that they needed to change their ways or they would find themselves in a lot of trouble.It hurts when you feel God has called you to warn someone about something and they ignore the warning and continue to charge ahead - seemingly without consequences. A person's warning to another person can often be completely unfounded and very easily ignored, and sometimes their warning is just based on their desire to achieve their own emotional gratification so the warning should not be taken seriously. However - there are times when God makes it very clear to someone that they need to warn another person about what they are doing and uses that person's voice to speak to them. Their warning can be ignored - but to ignore that is to ignore God's voice through them which can have very serious consequences.
God sends out loud warning signs if we are prepared to listen but sometimes He knows that we never will and will stubbornly continue doing what we are doing, regardless of what He says. I believe God then looks upon those who refuse to heed his warnings with both frustration and pity - frustration that they refuse to listen to what's best for them and pity that they are missing out on God's best because they can't get over their own stubbornness. God's mercy and forgiveness are always available to those who ask - even those who have deliberately ignored His warning - but the consequences of their disobedience will always be there.
It hurt me a lot when I felt that my warnings were ignored, but I now realize from my experiences last night just how costly (and almost deadly) ignoring the voice of God can be just because you don't like what it's saying, or for that matter, who is saying it (if God has chosen to use a person to speak through). I used to get so angry at feeling that every route was so strongly blocked off in my life to the point where I couldn't take them - even if I wanted to. Now I realize that although I often felt like the biggest loser on the planet, God was keeping me from things (and people) that would have been incredibly destructive and potentially had life-long consequences. Better a bit of pain from being belted with the rod of discipline than seeing the rod spared and one's entire life being destroyed as a result.
So my word to you is - listen. If you know in your heart, below all of your pride that God is warning you - listen and obey. Even if you don't like what He's warning you about - listen and obey anyway. Or you could have ended up like I (almost) did - or worse.
Take care.
Monday, January 7, 2013
"Going against the grain until the end...."
The title of this blog is a lyric from a song I used to listen to often in my long-haired, headbanging days of old - "Damage, Inc." by Metallica. I always enjoyed this particular song as it has some pretty intense guitar playing and drumming, but even as I began to move on musically I never forgot some of the lyrics, that line in particular.
As I have become stronger over the past year and a half since everything happened to me I have come to realize that it is my mission in particular and in a lot of ways, the mission of God's people in general to "go against the grain." Modern society sets its own expectations of people nowadays, and people set their own expectations of each other. Often, these expectations are not morally right, but people are expected to live up to them anyway.
This is where God's people are called to be different, or to "go against the grain". We are called to live by the Spirit of God, not the expectations and demands of man. Living by the Spirit and therefore going against the grain when necessary can have consequences as you are almost guaranteed to ruffle people's feathers and cause them to lash out at you for not acting in the way that they think that you should act. Going against the grain can get messy for that very reason and it can require personal sacrifice on the part of those willing to stand against the tide. It also requires terrible risk as you risk offending those with the power to hurt you. But that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
Something I've heard over the years that constantly irritates me to no end is this concept taught in church that rebellion is "evil" and "wrong" and should be avoided at all costs. If you look closely in the Bible, it's full of rebels. One of the main rebels that holds a very important place in Scripture was the prophet Jeremiah. This guy had rebellion down to a fine art. Every other so-called "prophet" in the nation was prophesying prosperity, God's blessing, good fortune and good health upon the people. These people weren't hearing from God. They were telling the people what they wanted to hear, and in turn, keeping everybody happy through their prosperity doctrine.
Jeremiah, however, was truly listening to God. And the REAL word of the Lord to the people was not a word of prosperity at all - but words foretelling destruction and judgment upon Israel, due to their sins, selfishness and stubbornness. God was angry at His people because they wouldn't listen and God was equally as angry at those who told lies to the people in terms of false prophecies to keep them happy. Jeremiah knew the risks involved of being the only prophet foretelling destruction while everyone else foretold peace and prosperity. He probably could have ignored the burning in his heart and gone along with them and kept everyone happy and had himself well thought of by others. But I don't think he could have lived with himself if he'd done that.
He knew the risks and he did it anyway. Needless to say, the people weren't pleased. He faced continual persecution in nearly every sense from people including being thrown into a well in the hope that he would die. But nothing stopped him. He continued to rebel against the established order of the day and continued to go against the grain of false teaching and prosperity by speaking the truth about what God was saying to His people - that they would be destroyed for their sins. Jeremiah's word eventually came true - and Israel was overthrown by the Babylonians, who ironically chose to release Jeremiah from imprisonment and showed him great kindness.
If that's not rebellion I don't know what is. But it was a righteous rebellion. Jeremiah did not become world famous through making friends. If he had passively gone along with the false prophets of the day, he may have been remembered in the bible but for the wrong reasons. His story lives on to this day as an example of sacrifice and strength by someone with integrity who cared about doing God's will regardless of what it cost him and who stood in his way. That's a man of character - someone I aspire to be. A man willing to go against the grain for the sake of what's right.
I've learned so much on this subject recently. I've had to learn to stand and go against the grain many times and it's cost me several friendships. But it's not going to stop me doing what's right and I'd rather be hated for doing the right thing and obeying God than be loved for sitting back, being passive and silent and never saying boo to a goose. God has told me directly to speak very firmly to some people who have wronged me recently and I strongly believe are still doing wrong in their own lives and ignoring God's word to them. I resisted doing this for a long time because I was scared and because I didn't want to go against the grain. God's words to me were three, simple words that I don't think I will ever forget - "Get over yourself!"
It would be easy for me to be passive like I used to be and sit back and say "God bless you" to everyone, even those who claim to call themselves Christians and are knowingly doing wrong but refusing to stop doing it. I never used to think it was my job to stand against people the way that I have been doing so recently. But now I realize that although you need to make sure God is behind it and you're not just lashing out of your frustration, taking a stand against the grain can be the right thing to do and something that will simply burn inside your heart and become heavier until you do it - same as it was with Jeremiah.
So the choice is yours, readers. There are times when you just know that something you can see is wrong and someone needs to speak out against it. Will you sit back, be passive and let it happen or get over yourself, go against the grain and speak out, then walk away with a clear conscience knowing you've done the right thing in God's eyes?
Take care.
As I have become stronger over the past year and a half since everything happened to me I have come to realize that it is my mission in particular and in a lot of ways, the mission of God's people in general to "go against the grain." Modern society sets its own expectations of people nowadays, and people set their own expectations of each other. Often, these expectations are not morally right, but people are expected to live up to them anyway.
This is where God's people are called to be different, or to "go against the grain". We are called to live by the Spirit of God, not the expectations and demands of man. Living by the Spirit and therefore going against the grain when necessary can have consequences as you are almost guaranteed to ruffle people's feathers and cause them to lash out at you for not acting in the way that they think that you should act. Going against the grain can get messy for that very reason and it can require personal sacrifice on the part of those willing to stand against the tide. It also requires terrible risk as you risk offending those with the power to hurt you. But that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
Something I've heard over the years that constantly irritates me to no end is this concept taught in church that rebellion is "evil" and "wrong" and should be avoided at all costs. If you look closely in the Bible, it's full of rebels. One of the main rebels that holds a very important place in Scripture was the prophet Jeremiah. This guy had rebellion down to a fine art. Every other so-called "prophet" in the nation was prophesying prosperity, God's blessing, good fortune and good health upon the people. These people weren't hearing from God. They were telling the people what they wanted to hear, and in turn, keeping everybody happy through their prosperity doctrine.
Jeremiah, however, was truly listening to God. And the REAL word of the Lord to the people was not a word of prosperity at all - but words foretelling destruction and judgment upon Israel, due to their sins, selfishness and stubbornness. God was angry at His people because they wouldn't listen and God was equally as angry at those who told lies to the people in terms of false prophecies to keep them happy. Jeremiah knew the risks involved of being the only prophet foretelling destruction while everyone else foretold peace and prosperity. He probably could have ignored the burning in his heart and gone along with them and kept everyone happy and had himself well thought of by others. But I don't think he could have lived with himself if he'd done that.
He knew the risks and he did it anyway. Needless to say, the people weren't pleased. He faced continual persecution in nearly every sense from people including being thrown into a well in the hope that he would die. But nothing stopped him. He continued to rebel against the established order of the day and continued to go against the grain of false teaching and prosperity by speaking the truth about what God was saying to His people - that they would be destroyed for their sins. Jeremiah's word eventually came true - and Israel was overthrown by the Babylonians, who ironically chose to release Jeremiah from imprisonment and showed him great kindness.
If that's not rebellion I don't know what is. But it was a righteous rebellion. Jeremiah did not become world famous through making friends. If he had passively gone along with the false prophets of the day, he may have been remembered in the bible but for the wrong reasons. His story lives on to this day as an example of sacrifice and strength by someone with integrity who cared about doing God's will regardless of what it cost him and who stood in his way. That's a man of character - someone I aspire to be. A man willing to go against the grain for the sake of what's right.
I've learned so much on this subject recently. I've had to learn to stand and go against the grain many times and it's cost me several friendships. But it's not going to stop me doing what's right and I'd rather be hated for doing the right thing and obeying God than be loved for sitting back, being passive and silent and never saying boo to a goose. God has told me directly to speak very firmly to some people who have wronged me recently and I strongly believe are still doing wrong in their own lives and ignoring God's word to them. I resisted doing this for a long time because I was scared and because I didn't want to go against the grain. God's words to me were three, simple words that I don't think I will ever forget - "Get over yourself!"
It would be easy for me to be passive like I used to be and sit back and say "God bless you" to everyone, even those who claim to call themselves Christians and are knowingly doing wrong but refusing to stop doing it. I never used to think it was my job to stand against people the way that I have been doing so recently. But now I realize that although you need to make sure God is behind it and you're not just lashing out of your frustration, taking a stand against the grain can be the right thing to do and something that will simply burn inside your heart and become heavier until you do it - same as it was with Jeremiah.
So the choice is yours, readers. There are times when you just know that something you can see is wrong and someone needs to speak out against it. Will you sit back, be passive and let it happen or get over yourself, go against the grain and speak out, then walk away with a clear conscience knowing you've done the right thing in God's eyes?
Take care.
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