Sunday, August 28, 2011

Death - a natural part of life

Please excuse the rather morbid title. I am not talking about death in the physical sense with this blog - but rather allowing things in our lives to die that are no longer beneficial for us and need to pass out of our lives so that we can move forwards.

Things die all of the time. People come and go out of our lives, seasons change, circumstances change. My belief is that God gives us grace for certain time periods in our lives while He works whatever He wants to into our lives. Once that time is done, and we have taken what we need to out of that circumstance, the grace that is given to us by God runs out, which more often than not is an indication that the time has come to move on from where we were and allow the circumstance the grace has run out for to die.

I have been thinking on this subject a lot recently as I am right in the midst of a very intense "dying to self" time in my life. I have no distractions to cover up the things I have been running from subconsciously. It is a time of allowing things in my life to die off that are hindering me and stopping me from moving forwards.

Throughout all of this I have had to come face to face with an iron-clad determination I have had in my life - an almost unconquerable will to live at all costs despite the odds. A strength forged in molten steel, telling me to keep on pushing forwards on my own, never ask for help, never let anyone else truly in, never rely on anyone else, and find peace through relentless control of my life and circumstances. Though in a way it has been my greatest strength - it has also been an achilles heel in a lot of ways, and has held me back from developing some of the character I need in order to face life the way I am meant to.

This is what I am having to allow to die in my life - my own relentless will to live. I am being deconstructed from the inside out. I can no longer rely just on myself and my own ability to work my life out the way I want to. As I have realized, that is a very hollow existence and one that cannot be sustained forever. My entire life has recently collapsed on me and I have realized that I need to allow a lot of things to die that have been hindering me. I believe that God is in all of this and that this "dying to self" process is a part of His will for me. It is right for me to have lost my income and it is right for me to not be in a strong enough place in myself to handle work at the moment. My circumstances have collapsed - died, if you will - but it's not a bad thing, it's the right thing for me right now.

I have realized just how much this will to live at all costs has been affecting me and why I am being asked to let this will to live die and just let myself rest. I have found it nearly impossible to rest over the years and I have battled relentlessly with my circumstances in order to get them to line up the way that I want them to. I have not been able to just "let go and let God" so to speak. The reason for this is because I refused to let that part of myself die. I wanted it to live forever. I remember a friend spoke over my life years ago, saying to me that "when you end, God begins." I realize now I've never really been able to let God begin because I have never really been able to let myself end.

Wanting to live is not a bad thing by any means and hanging onto things can definitely be the right thing for us as well - but there are times when we allow our own issues to cloud our judgment which means we end up hanging onto things far longer than what we are meant to. I am hopeless when it comes to this. Sometimes I just cannot read the obvious signs saying that "The grace is coming to an end, this person or circumstance needs to be let go of now" and will continue to cling on for dear life in order to salvage something that basically wants to die. I've spent so much time flogging dead horses, trying to get them to run it's not funny. Even though I know in my heart of hearts that they are dead, I've somehow thought in my own strength that if I can keep on flogging them, somehow, eventually they might get up and run away. But it never happens and is just a waste of time.

I guess my message in all of this is to learn to be alert to the changes in your life and circumstances when they come in. Let things die if they need to because it is a part of life and a necessary part of moving forward. Don't try to hang onto things after they have gone and use unresolved issues to drive you into not letting go of things that are holding you back. Death is a part of life that we need to learn to be comfortable with - so learn to let go and let God.

Peace out, all.


  1. Hey Graham :) Awesome post...

    Two thoughts...

    I wonder how social discourses of the importance of 'individualness' impact our lives... this surviving on our own, struggling to prove our worth without the assistance of others... even trying to prove to God that we can make it - I have totally fallen into this.

    Yesterday our minister said these words... 'God loves to look after you'. What a radical affront to having to look after yourself! It conjures up all these images of not only God's miraculous provision, but also the community of others he may employ in this process.

    For me the enemies best lie is that I am alone and that I must make it on my own, that I must struggle on my own. I'm learning again and again... 'it is not good for man to be alone'... and I don't think that only applies to being in a marriage relationship.

    Thanks bro :) Cu at housegroup tonight?

  2. ps - I kinda went off your main idea but hope it connects somehow!

  3. Hey Alicia, no it definitely connects and is relevant, thanks for your thoughts! And yes I will see you tonight :-)